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My book is
about my life. I think I want to reach out to people that no
matter what things or happenings that led us to self destruction
that there is always room for change and will always be someone
to reach out to touch our heart and souls to new beginnings... ...I
had to be 48 years old to find the only friend that was there
with me all along was God. He never gave up on me. I owe him the
rest of my life
"This
is the earliest years of my life that I can clearly remember. I
was six years old when the taxi we were in pulled up into a long
drive way. On the right was a fenced in play yard with sawdust
covering the ground. There were swings, something like a jungle
gym to climb, and a sandbox. On the left side was a small house,
like a playhouse for children identical to the large house in
front of us".
"It
wasn’t too long after my mother brought us there that she left
one day and didn’t come back for a long time. I didn’t
understand for a long time that we were slowly being abandoned.
With my mother coming back and forth every now and then and at
the time it was confusing."
"By
this time my parents had divorced, we were children in limbo.
Mama claims it was my fathers drinking and gambling, and Daddy
claims it was all moms running around and cheating...By
the time I turned 8 years of age, Daddy found and married,
mother number two. She came with a little baggage of her
own".
"By
the time I turned eleven my father was drinking more and would
always say things to me like,” you look and act just like
your mother.”
I guess that's when he started to give me personal
examinations and touching me in places he shouldn’t have, it
must of put his mind at ease to say things like that to me".
"As
long as I was seeing some kind of shrink then he could always
claim I was crazy. The last time I ran away and was brought back
he put me in a drug rehabilitation clinic. I stayed there for
three months. I wasn’t even doing drugs then. Again, this was
Daddy covering his tracks".
"When
I was 15 years of age, I ran away with a young man, who
was a 21-year-old soldier, stationed. I left him a few
days after we got there, because all he wanted to do was have
sex. Wasn’t that what I was running from? I learned how to
hustle, begging for change or food".
"Well,
here I am 17, pregnant, no father for my baby, now what to do. I
called home to talk to my father. I told him what had happened
and could I come home. Daddy said no, that I was no longer his
problem. I begged him to please help me, and that I wouldn’t
tell anyone what he had done to me. He told me that he had no
idea what I was talking about. I was crying so hard all I could
do was hang up".
"I
finally got a job working at a Dinner, down town as a waitress
for a dollar twenty-five an hour, plus tips if that’s what you
want to call those nickels and dimes. But it was honest work and
it paid my share of the bills. I never went to the doctor,
because I couldn’t afford to. I had a lot going on in my mind.
I was mostly scared for the child that I was about to have. I
couldn’t give it the proper upbringing it deserved. About my
sixth month I made a decision for the sake of my baby. I wanted
to give my baby a good home where it could be raised in a
structured environment".
To read word for
word you will need to purchase my book...Here you may find some
words removed for my own personal reasons...I want to share, in
no order parts of my book to you...to help you understand my
story.
To read more of
Blackened Blonde_ you can purchase your copy from HERE
(Book link
coming soon)
(Book Cover
coming soon)
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